How to Get Engaged in 5 Days

“So fast-forward, I ended up in a nut ward in February of 1990 and I cleaned out there, I detoxed. Now, when you write all these prescriptions for yourself it takes a while for the wheels of justice to start grinding, but they do. So months later I’m at my little desk and in walks the state police, the DEA, and the attorney general, and I was fired from my job, I lost my hospital privileges, they suspended my medical license. This was Lynn’s birthday.”

Another unique marriage explained at Cosmo.

A Death Bed Proposal

Kumail: And she was in a coma and it was really bad and I hung out with her parents and things super escalated.

Wait, what!? Wait. Things super escalated in your head? Because she was in a coma …

Kumail: I hung out with her parents while she was in a coma for eight days and that’s when I told my parents, I was like, “Hey! Good news/bad news — actually, for you guys, bad news/good news? — I dunno. Anyway: I’m in love with a white girl and she’s in a coma.” Luckily they were really, really good about it and they saw how distraught I was, because if I was just like, “It’s a white girl!” …

Emily: … they’d be like, “Break up with her right now!”

My latest “Secret Life of Marrieds” is up at Cosmo!