Blog

  • How Dumb Does Lancôme Think We Are?

    Look what I "discovered" at CVS yesterday. It's exactly the same product in exactly the same bottle produced by exactly the same umbrella company. What is with these people? (Also, cool tape, CVS on San Fernando Road in Glendale. That'll definitely stop teens from stealing a pump or two.) I'M IN A BAD MOOD, GUYS.

  • This Drug Store Mascara & Primer Duo Is Pretty Aight

    This Drug Store Mascara & Primer Duo Is Pretty Aight

    I'm big fan of Lancôme's CILS BOOSTER XL lash primer, but that shit is expensive. Since Lancôme and L'Oreal are the same company, I thought this stuff would be worth a shot. Turns out it's a pretty decent dupe, plus it comes with the mascara attached. Not as crazy length and volume as the CILS + Hypnôse, but good enough, especially for $11. 

  • Just Go Stare at the NYX Rack

    Have you tried staring at the NYX rack in your local drug store? It helps. It helps with anxiety and depression. It helps with eyebrows and contouring. It helps with glowing and not glowing. It helps pass the time while you wait for the pharmacy to fill the prescription they take forever filling every month, especially months in which they're also slammed with antiobiotics requests.

    Behold, this eyebrow stuff, which is $6 and my new favorite:

    Or this contour palette. I haven't tried it, but you could?

    Or how about these setting sprays?

    OK, that's plenty for now. I dont' want to ruin the whole experience for you, but rediscovering NYX was really fun for about 10 minutes the other day and I mediumly recommend it.

  • An Easy Way to Temporarily Cover Grays

    "Grey," the British spelling, is just so much prettier to look at than "gray," don't you agree? No? Keep it to yourself. 

    I have lots and lots and lots of well-earned grays and naturally very dark hair, so as soon as they come in they're like little 2" sparklers poking out along my part in celebration. I get my color done at a salon because... gosh, come to think of it I'm not sure why I do that? It's a single process and just a root touch up, I should really be doing this at home. [Note to self.] Regardless, my roots need covering about every six weeks, but they only get it every two or three months. In the meantime, I do one of two things:

    1. Stay home and don't let anyone look at me, especially people who are taller than me and have a bird's eye view of my dome. Conversely, if I must leave the house, I'll wear very high heels.

    2. Spray my part and any other visible white hairs with this colored powder from Bumble & Bumble. It has its pros and cons, but compared to those makeup-like gray-covering sticks or cremes, the cons are more tolerable (to me). On the plus side, application is SO easy, it's just like applying hairspray. And the color lasts pretty much until your next shampoo. Negatives include maybe slightly tinting the floor of your bathroom (stand on a towel) and your pillowcases. It washes out, but still.

    I only have experience with the black and brown formulations for this use. (The white powder is more like "clear" and is a great dry shampoo, once you brush it well.) 

    As we like to end all posts around here: it's dumb expensive. BUT! It lasts forever (I've had my large can for two years now? Maybe that's gross?) and it comes in a travel size for a little more than half price. 

  • My, What Big Eye(glasses) You Have

    Yesterday at the eye doc I witnessed a scene that is by no means *important* or anything, but if you're a mother or a daughter you might relate to its ambiguity. So, I'll tell you about it in a sec. But first: I AM a little bit cross-eyed, just as I suspected! My grandma Sally was so cross-eyed she had to have surgery. Her baby pics are the cutest. Anyway...

    As I was wandering the shop trying on frames before my exam, I heard someone checking in behind me and they had THE COOLEST NAME EVER but I can't tell you what it is because I'm not a jerk. But man, I wish I could tell you this person's name. Good god, it's great. I turned around and said "Is your name seriously________?! That's incredible!," and the mom-lady (carrying a Louis Vuitton purse) said yes and nodded. I barely noticed the teenaged girl next to her who, about one minute later, had new glasses on her face. So she was the patient. It was the girl's name. It kind of pissed me off that the mom would answer for her, you know? Like, why give your daughter a such kick ass name and then not allow her to be the one to claim it? So there I was, squarely not on the mom's side right from the jump. (I'm not actually sure if she was the girl's mother or a stepmom or older sister, this being Hollywood and everyone looking roughly the same age: 40.)

    A little while later they were leaving the office and the mom popped back in.

    "The lenses are just so... thick. Do they have to be that thick?"

    My ears perked up. I hadn't noticed any crazy thickness.

    "How much would it cost to make them thinner? Can we do that?"

    Here, again, I was hating this woman, but I'll give her credit for leaving the kid outside while she made this request. Then my exam started so I didn't get to hear the end of it, but the whole reason I'm relaying this is because it's a perfect case of projection and I'm afraid we do it all the time as parents. The mother, or whoever she was, thought the glasses looked bad and now she's maybe going to convey that to the kid in some way, probably by having her return them for a bit so they can make the lenses thinner. Her thinking is that she's saving the girl WITH THE MOST AWESOME NAME from the judgment of her peers but in doing so, the mom is the one preemptively judging her. It really pissed me off in the moment, but a day later, I'm not at all sure how I feel about it. Kids, man.

  • This Face Gunk Is Blowing My Mind

    A few weeks ago, I went to the Lancome counter to get some... uhhh... oh, foundation! I forgot for a second there. The salesperson asked if she could do a full face and I was like "DOY!" and so she wiped all my makeup off. Then she proceeded to put about, no joke, five different products all over my face before the foundation. It was nuts. But one of them smelled nice and the bottle was hot pink and it was the one she was going on and on about. Plus it's called DreamTone, which is lovely. She gave me a sample and her cell phone number and promised me that if I used it morning and night for a week, I'd be texting her singing its praises. 

    SHE WAS RIGHT. My skin looks clearer and more perfect than it maybe ever has? I'm sorry it's so expensive. That part is stupid. Come over and I'll give you some of mine.